This is to you johan......if what you told me comes to happen. You moving so far away to the state of Colorado......
I can't bare to see you leave.....but if it happens. This...is for you.....
I'm not sure when you'll be able to see this, but either way it still is valid....

Johan...you mean the world to me....you have the highest seat in my heart. You are like no other....I'm so grateful to have you in my life....no one has ever made me feel the way I do. If it weren't for you. I wouldn't love, I wouldn't give a shit about myself. You brought me out of the dark...when I met you...you are my light. Over the years you and I have grown immensely in spirit, mind and body. You've stuck by me in EVERYTHING as have I. You are like NO ONE ELSE and NONE will EVER take your place. I cherish all the memories we've made together, I can't forget them ever. People laugh at us when we are together, our parents laugh or sneer, others just don't understand our bond. I'll defend you until the day you leave. I go back and remember everything we've been through and I laugh...and I cry....because I love you and I can't bare to be without you....the day you left my house (was unable to stay under my roof) it has never been the same....I'm not sure if I will be the same after you truly do leave over there. This night...although a little rough, I'll hold close to me. I'll miss holding your delicate figure close to me, I'll miss sharing and making memories with you....even those kisses ;) I'll miss just being with you, I'll miss your cute laughs, your jokes, your smile.... for you are the only thing I've got.....it pains me so badly...my nights will be sleepless....fuck everyone and what they think...I love you.... even though we've have our rough times, never forget that I do, and I WON'T stop thinking of you...of course you'll be calling me...but it's not the same as you being here with me. I will wait for the day you have the news that I will be able to move to Colorado with you....I know you will because you told me it won't be that long...I hope....just have to wait....I'll try to be strong...just for you....my fox....I'll push myself to be strong.....I FUCKING LOVE YOU........
~*Jenny, your pelusa, the behemoth, ginseng and your hamster~*
*Kiss* <3

There's one thing that has been bothering me alot lately...okay, a bunch of things.
What's with traditional families??? Alot of them are still living in the past and have not moved on with the modern world. Like my parents.

I respect any one who still has traditional values, but is it really so wrong to change things around?
There are many things I don't do anymore. I don't show my parents my supposed boyfriend or guy I like because I DON'T HAVE TO, I dont ask for permisison to go to parties. I shouldn't have to, I don't celebrate certain holidays. And If I do, I do very shortly. Such as Christmas, I've been getting so many messeges on myspace, accusing me of being a cold hearted bitch. And why? Simply because I choose not to hang with my parents at a place they go almost every damn week. If I even celebrate christmas (with what money i have left, i buy the people that deserve it, presents) Am I such a bad person just because I prefer solitude? Oh my...I'm even condemned to hell for not celebrating christmas and being stuck to my mother's body 24/7... I show them I care in my own ways but I don't need to do extravagant things to show them that. I shouldn't have to and all those people that are to sucked into their christan religion and that Christ will condemn me...you are all ignorant. I have respect for religions..
Not to mention that parents are still unaccepting of new things that today, really arent anything. For example, gays, people with alternative lifestyles, there is just so much! They act as if every little thing has to be and will go back to the way it was when they were born. Well...it won't...and frankly im tired of people seeing me as some sadistic bitch simply because I lead a different life.
Another thing, if you're a girl in a very traditional family...watch out...they'll try to get you to go out with a guy, always probe into what you r doing with the ppl you hang out with, AND they expect a granddaughter SOON. LOL...

I haven't been on here for a LONG time.
Not much to talk about since stupid things happen and I'm not one to get on xanga ONLY to complain and how no one loves them and thats ALL they do on xanga. No offense....to ppl that do...or...do I MEAN IT??

I'm happy to say that I finally got a job. I was hoping for Petsmart but they seriously discriminated against me and Ill never forget that. I work at Toys r Us now. Lol. It's ok but there are so many BRATTY kids....so i at least can be at peace...that i can get my own money. The only thing bothering me is that I BARELY remembered that my parents had a car a year ago that was MEANT for me. They said it was mine so i was pushing myself to study for the test. But they lied and sold it so i have no idea how im going to get a car now....i need to get to work...get places!!! am i the only 18 yr old that doesnt have a car?!?!

Things at home are the same....it is hell and I want to move....to bad i cant do that until i have been in my job for three months so that me and johans and viktors dream can come true...to move in together...=(
I really need to get out of this hell.

Things with friends have been okay as well. Finally keeping in touch with them so it feels good. Johan changes with the seasons. We see each other often. He is the drug I can't get enough of. You better read this johan!!
I love you. ; )

What else is new?
I went to the doctor.....and im not afraid to say it here!! I got a PAP smear.. That was horrible!!!1 I dont like doctors looking at my private parts!!!!! God that was so awkward...and i got  drained of my blood X_X I should of NEVER said I have had sex. LMAO. But hey..its being safe!! (referring to the pap thing)

My ways of thinking are every changing and my perception of life and everything else.

The rabbit babies have grown into cute balls of fluff. I love them all. However I can't claim them as mine since my mom supposedly OWNS them.
I want a pet rat!! =D They are so cute. I'm to attend some party thing at johans workplace tomorrow... lol
he didnt want to go alone. I don't know anyone and....its a WORK party...so....yeah..might be wierd. lol

I miss joy.. you little bitch! you hardly call me! ill tell ian ALL about you! lol j/k
well yeah thats it for now...i had nothing better to say...